Absolut Bachelor

Because this blog wants to serve its visitors increasingly better in every single post, we decided to use this post solely for publicity purposes…to the gals out there who have needs that need to be fulfilled (literally), and fast!
Today we are talking about the one, the only, the absolutely perfect, have-it-all, all-included, bachelor: Noddy of Toy Town! You may be amazed, I know. I was surprised too, until I added all the facts. You may even be disgusted…but after I explain you all the reasons, you will be convinced, trust me! You will even learn how to ignore his awful taste in clothes.
First of all, what do all girls like in a guy? Stability, money, independence, social status and lots of love to give... Right? (We will get to the physical part, don’t worry.) Well, Mr. Noddy has it all! He’s a well established business man who runs his own (and in fact the only) taxi service in Toy Town. He obviously likes children and shares the custody of a dog with Tessie Bear, which only shows how responsible and diplomatic he can be. He has his own house, a little yellow mansion (which I am sure you will be able to redecorate in a much more fashionable way once you have moved in) and no family at all. Yes girls, he doesn’t have parents - so forget the dinners for the mother in laws, or the control freaks looking over your shoulder during the wedding, or calling at unexpected, reaaaaally inopportune times. He lives alone and he is just like a little orphan that you can cuddle and give love to: he needs all the tenderness you can handle. Besides, if he lives alone, he obviously has mastered all the house tasks, including cleaning, cooking, doing the laundry and even ironing – look at him as your own, personal, house elf. He has a yellow and red convertible which only has two seats – no unwanted company, lots of room for whatever you may feel like doing (alone), and which can drive you anywhere you want! He is known by the police, by several important members of the society…meaning, no more parking tickets and ice cream for free. If you need any help, for anything at all, Noddy has contacts: Big Ears is the wisdom pool of Toy Town, and is able and used to helping Noddy…at everything.
Second of all (which actually should be first) – the more practical, physical part. Noddy is a cartoon: as such, it has heightened flexibility skills, and can make pretty much everything a regular cartoon does (although he does not do it in the show, cartoons are known for being able to do just about anything you like)…so, he can enlarge himself at will, try just about any positions you may want him to try, and has the energy to keep at it for hours and hours! He also has blue eyes, which you must admit, you have always been on the lookout for! Plus, have you ever looked at him? I mean, reaaaally looked at him? He has a little hat, ladies. A little phallic-shaped hat. And I do believe that is NOT a compensatory mechanism (he is way to innocent for that), but more of a… how should I put it… reflection of his true interior (whether I’m talking about his soul or something more physical, I leave it to you).
Third, but not least, lets talk about the big nightmare of all relationships: infidelity! There is no one you have to worry about: your only competition is Tessy Bear and I don’t think that there’s any way in which a bear with a pink hat and a fluffy skirt can be better than you (if for no other reason, she is just way too furry). If, and only if (and I really can’t imagine how that can happen) you are the one cheating with Big Ears or Mr. Plod, you can always hear when Noddy is coming home thanks to the tiny little bell in his hat, thus preventing you from getting caught red-handed.
And if you still aren’t convinced, think about this: he’s young, he will learn really fast whatever you might like to teach him… if he doesn’t, just spank him, you’re bigger than him!
So there you have it, girls. Feeling like planning a visit to Toy Town much?

We can assure you that no toys were harmed during the baking of this post