Sunday, February 24, 2008

Puppy Love



Welcome to yet another post! Today we come with new and exciting information, that will leave your heart skipping steps with the excitement (or not, but I just thought this would serve nicely as an introduction…).
How many of you have pets? Cats, dogs, spiders, monkeys..? And what were the criteria used to choose them? Did you think about the size of the (beastly) animal? Did you think about the cuteness and how fun would it be to have him/her sleep in your bed? How entertaining for guests would it be to have him fetch your slippers and clean the kitchen? Did you think about the length of his fur, and the possibility of braiding his “hair”? Well, then we sure have news for you! After all, and according to a couple of really intelligent and possibly genius – as all of them are – psychologists, you choose your pet according to… (Drum roll)…his physical appearance, in comparison to yours! Apparently, the more a dog or cat looks like you, the better you like him. People actually relate the breed of the dog (and consequently its physical appearance) to a personality. This way, when they are choosing, they choose the ones that “apparently” not only look like them, but which will have a personality which fits their own.
This reminds of people who dress their dogs exactly like them and people who have hair that looks like their dogs fur. It’s fun to see how people look at their dogs as if they were a tiny little version of themselves. This works especially well for people who live alone, and whose only companies are their pets. The next step will probably projecting every single one of their childhood unaccomplished dreams into the dog, just like parents normally do with children. This way, they would have a reason to dress the dogs in a particular way, or taking them to Disneyland or even sending them to Medical or Law School – because we have to fight for equal opportunities for all! And if dogs dress and look like us, why not study the things we do?
Another topic I find interesting to develop, is the “Small Penis Syndrome”, shown by most men in modern societies. Their obsession with size and how that can affect their performance is well known by all readers, I assume. What I am wondering is if that also affects their judgment when choosing a pet. If they choose pets with bigger penises because they want to compensate for their own lack of such mechanism or if they choose them, as the theory states, to reflect themselves. I do not know this, and it would probably take a transversal, multi-cultural study to verify this hypothesis. What I do know, is that there is actually a connection between pets and the size of the owners reproductive appendix, specifically on males. There is one tribe, in Brazil, which uses their pets as a means of enlarging their penis. How? Well, they take poisonous snakes (and no, this wasn’t a spelling mistake, I’m actually talking about the long, evil, I-can-kill-you-with-just-one-bite, snake) and encourage them to bite their…appendix. And it grows. Of course, this is the archaic version of the vacuum cleaners and air pumps modern day man insert inside themselves to grow at specific timings, but it still looks really weird to me – call me retrograde, but I prefer a man whose penis wasn’t bitten by a poisonous animal before myself.

So there you have it. From people trying to look like their animals to people having animals bite them so they can look bigger, this world has it all. I’m glad they’re beginning to explore space, and the possibility of living there…Aliens can’t possibly be as weird as humans!

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